Studying the rhythm of your breath, I watch as the sheets rise and fall from your tattooed chest. The peculiar way you sleep, entangling your body with mine as a rope’s yarn are intertwined, comforts and protects with a delicate security. What’s on your mind? What of your dreams? These questions yet have no answers, and with that I am serene, for our ebb and flow is slower than most. Concrete, though, takes time to solidify so, for now, I continue to observe you in your most vulnerable state, awaiting but not rushing the hour of your wake.
Temptation surrounds us every minute of every day. Too often times we give in, believing we have no control over our lives like characters in a play. But me, I’ve made the decision – to live through intention, act in favor of only my mission. They can’t take my soul. They can’t tell me where to go. “Take a right!,” they said. But if I feel it so deeply in my heart to take a left, then believe me, left I will go. If they don’t like it, slay my body! Leave me there to rest until my heart has poured out all the blood is has ever bled. Maybe another world needs me, so please, set me free. At least, that way, I’ll die an honorable death.
On a bitter winters eve a woman took a lone stroll around the lake. Approaching the bench with a troubled look on her face, the bench mustered the courage to speak to the woman. “I offer this resting place for you to sit and gaze at the beauty of the moment, slow your pace for a while. Be alone, here, with me.” (silence) “What did you notice? Has your mind opened? Do you feel the hug of the breeze, hear the calls of the geese as they search for their prey just underneath the surface of the lake?”
The woman replied, “What I noticed, bench, is that you are lonely. You offer rest & a space to meditate for the passersby who never give but always take. I, however, am not the same, for I am lonely too. You needed me just as much as I needed you. But that’s how the world works, isn’t it? Two souls cross paths at the perfect time, reminding us we’re not alone, just lost too deep in our own endless minds. So take this piece of my energy, pass it on to the next soul that, too, is feeling lonely. And I’ll give your wisdom to someone in a rush to remind them that now is always enough. If ever again I start to feel all alone, I’ll think of you, bench, and hope that you too can see yourself for what you truly are. You’re more than a bench. You’re a beautiful throne.”
Running from my own emotions so anxiety looms. I know if I jump, I’m jumping into an ocean of regret. Boom. Belly flop. A lack of grace, for just a moment, now all I want to do is hide my face. Take me to another place where no one knows my name, a secret island full of wild so I can lose myself in an illusion that I actually can be tame. I’m the only one to blame, but I keep running, running, running, trying to wash it off like I’m not forever stained.
Dreaming of a place where I’m free from this cage, bars become stars, where my echoes roll on and on for days. For now I’ll sit & gaze at the other side, pretending the answers aren’t within but outside.
(Original photograph — Lincoln Park Zoo)
Let’s be alone together.
Lay your head in my lap
In your mind I find shelter.
You’re smarter than I
_____so forgive me when I grow shy,
_____afraid to share my point of view
Like my ideas are invalid
Or my opinions untrue.
I open a book with you in the room.
A few moments pass until
The silent air is filled with vibrations
_____of your anxious depths
_____in the form of rhythmic finger taps.
Your eyes — black holes,
_____vacuums into the ages of your
_____dark tempered soul.
The spark of a bowl clouds the space
_____and my judgement.
It rolls as I pass it to my left.
You reach out, the hair of your brawned chest peaks out.
Your thumb brushes mine
_____and I love it.
Stimulation speeds through every inch of my form. From the crown of my skull as he tugs my hair, to my lips, numb from his cocaine dipped cigarette, down every vertebrae in my curved spine, to my toes, curled in anticipation. It is there where his toes grip the tips of my soles so he may have me in grasp until he, not I, releases the embrace. Entangled in his tender touch, I feel his brawn surround. Though, if I had to choose, brains would be a more likely foe, for his intelligence is beyond my own comprehension. Never been kissed? Hardly. But an embrace as such I have yet to experience.